i am stationary; i am run by clockwork

to further grind it into your heads that i am both endlessly and easily amused, here are some of the more entertaining things people searched for in order to get here. most of these things aren't actually found here, but watch me be helpful in some cases with locating them elsewhere:

arse police

do these police enforce strict arsal guidelines? and if so, on many arses or on just one? is each arse a separate jurisdiction, thusly necessitating a new police precinct-or-equivalent for each one? enquiring minds want to know what was actually meant by this!

kimi raikkonen robot evening post

...does he seem robotic to you? he doesn't to me. but what do i know? *shrugs*

kimi raikkonen shirtless

whilst i might perhaps admit to seeing the point, you won't find it here. sorry. XD

raikkonen tattoo

as in one(s) he's got, or tattoos of him on other people? specificity is helpful. ^^

refrigerating biscuit dough will it work

...will it work in what way? and what sort of biscuits? i'd hazard a guess and say that in most cases, probably; although you may want to let the dough warm up a little before shaping and/or baking, depending on how long you leave them in the refrigerator.

what shape do biscuits come in

pre-made? if you make the dough yourself, you can make any sort of biscuit in virtually any shape you're physically able to create. pre-made ones might be more difficult.

battle of the bums kylie j-lo

strict criteria must be established before such a battle can take place. may the most potent arse(nal) win.

lions and tigers lyrics sleater-kinney

LOADS of variants on this particular search. i thought i'd seen them somewhere, but since i can't find lyrics for this song at all while searching myself, perhaps i'll transcribe and post them up at some point in the future. in the interest of being helpful and all. XD

i love rock and roll meril

even with reading the Meril way, apparently she's got time to rock and roll, too. i bow in awe of her mad multitasking skills. XD

bmw weighted shift rod

you might also try the phrase "weighted selector rod," since it seems to be phrased more in that way for BMWs (at least, in my cursory searching). found an interesting DIY article for making your very own weighted selector rod for your BMW over at Understeer.com, though. if you've got all the other tools necessary and are DIY-minded, they claim it'll only run around $5, as opposed to the $100 or so expected if you buy one ready-made (which you'd have to install or else pay someone to install anyway). don't know how well this works, but the instructions at least look pretty comprehensive, and have detailed photos to follow along with, too. worth having a look, at least. ^^

diesel spaz

yes, Diesel is a bit of a spaz sometimes. as is Spaz. hence, the name. i live with both of them. er...what was the question again? XD

ikea porn

this one is all my fault. i know it. although if there are other reasons, i'm not sure i want to know. XD

armpit licking archives

try here. ^^

hand lotion secret message

if you came here convinced i could help you to decode the secret message your hand lotion was trying to give you, nothing i could ever say or do would actually help you. at least, i don't think so. o.o;;

protege5 aftermarket parts

if i were you (and actually had a Protege5 and money to spend on parts for it), i'd check out someplace like Protege5.com's forums and read up on what different people have got to say about different parts/vendors/etc. not quite try-before-you-buy, but nice to get the opinions of actual consumers on things before you plunk down money. enthusiast forums can be very useful and good friends if you've got time and patience. ^^ someone else's experience is never the same as your own, but it might help steer you away from something genuinely bad, which can only be a good thing.

wookie sex

the search query that would not die. blame can be placed squarely on the shoulders of myself, Mariam, Umnia, and orcs everywhere for that fateful, fateful conversation which i can no longer recall details of. d'oh. XD